I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
