she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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