He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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