You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
