My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
