If that was your dad, he is hot
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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