You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Randomize
