God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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