you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
