the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
