i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
