very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
