Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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