One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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