paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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