What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
