I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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