Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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