Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She told me I should be a condom model.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
