So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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