Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
