is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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