Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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