I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
