i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
