Pappa wants mamma naked
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
