i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
