Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize