So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
