Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
