i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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