did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
