dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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