I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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