Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize