He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
