I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
