Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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