So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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