worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
