She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
