it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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