I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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