I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
