that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
