I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The feeling are messing with the penis
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
