Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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