dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
