Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
