so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
