D3 body, D1 cock
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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