had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
