Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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