I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
