It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
