wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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