ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
