i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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