Im at strip club and am horny
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
