every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
