You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
